Lonely?

So, there's this big event in our college in which there was a side event of dare. In that, you need to pick up a chit which has a thing to do and a chit which says with whom you have to do it. So there were dares like: sing a song for someone or do a dance with someone or propose someone or get someone to paint your face. That last one is absurd but nevermind.
So, being the person I am, I started imagining if I would get a dare to propose someone then what would I do.
I would ask and somehow manage to persuade my crush to do this dare with me. Then I imagine how would I start, how would I touch her, how would I look at her, into her eyes with passion. What I would say. How I would take her hand and press it against my chest near my heart. So that she could feel my heartbeat. How I would start with a poem or a famous Shahrukh Khan dialog and proceed to tell her my emotions with increasing intensity in each line. And finally how I would then sit on my knee and let her know that this was all true and not just a dare, not by saying but with my emotions. All of this while everyone else is watching. I don't know how she would react to this. I can imagine she would then take a walk with me and get to know me. Other people watching would cheer.
But guess what? This is all in my imagination. So when I come back to the real world where none of this exists, I feel sad. Immensely sad. I feel like talking to someone. Telling the person how I feel about them and how desperate I am. I don't want to feel desperate and look desperate. But the truth is, I am! (ironman).
I don't know. All I can do is imagine. I want to feel too. I want to make that person feel special. I want someone in my life like that. A person who I love like a maniac and care for her like a Gardner would for his garden.

Alas! I can only imagine.

Tujhe chahte sab hai - Magar tera aashiq bas mai hi

Ki
Teri kahaniya toh sab sunte hai
Teri kahaniya toh sab sunte hai
Magar tujhe kitaab jaise padhne wala bas mai hi

Tere hotho pe marne wale toh kaafi hai
Tere hotho pe marne wale toh kaafi hai
Magar unse bani muskurahat ka deewana bas mai hi

Teri khushi sab pehchaan lete hai
Teri khushi sab pehchaan lete hai
Magar teri aakho me chupa wo dard pehchanne wala bas mai hi

Tere dukh ko samjhne wale bohot hai
Tere dukh ko samjhne wale bohot hai
Magar usse bhulva kar tujhe khush krne wala bas mai hi

Tere haatho ko thaamne wale haazaaro hai
Tere haatho ko thaamne wale haazaaro hai
Magar unhe kabhi na chodne wala... Bas mai hi
KYUKI
Tere husn ko chahne wala saara zamana
Tere husn ko chahne wala saara zamana
Magar teri rooh ka deewana bas Mai hi.

~Ash

"Why do you love me?", She asked.

You want to know why i love you, ..... I love you for everything you are. I love you for what you are not how you look.
*She smirked.*
I know its hard to believe someone saying that. But sometimes to some people, when they're in love, looks don't matter. They don't care how the other looks, they just love the other for what they are.
You know why I love you?
I love you for who you are. I love you because of your nature, your honesty towards people, because of that beautiful soft heart of yours that cares for people, that never thinks wrong about someone. I love everything about you. I love when you talk. I love when you smile. THAT, makes me happy! That makes me smile too. I don't know if that's normal but whenever I look at you or a picture of yours, i just zone out for a bit and just keep looking as if its the end of the world and you're the only thing i can look at. then i smile like an idiot and i haven't yet found the reason why.
I love the way you talk. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you walk. I love it when you smile at the ground. I love those awkward little sounds you make randomly. I smile when you're around. I love the way you treat people. I love how you make me feel when you're around. Its just awesome. You have become a part of me now, I think of you even when you're not around. I make my decisions by asking myself what would you say of this. Its like we never did stop talking to each other. Yeah I know I made that mistake I left you and I was insanely mad that I did that. It was the most childish decision of my life and the decision I'll regret the most. But not one day has passed since I realized how incomplete I'm without you, that I've not thought of you, That I've not missed you..... That I've not missed .... Us. I miss everything we did. I miss talking with you. I miss taking care of you. I miss saying text me when you reach home, I miss those naughty little mischievous things you did, I miss your scrambling my hair, I miss making you lap my pillow and looking at you upside down, you know I felt like i'm in heaven when I rested my head on your lap, it felt like this is what i ever wanted. this is it. there's nothing more I want from my life. I miss that.
I miss you being around. I miss the way you looked at me blissfully, filled with joy and mischief with those beautiful dark brown eyes of yours. I miss kissing your forehead when i wanted to show you love, i miss kissing your cheeks when you are looking adorable, i miss staring at you for no reason at all, i miss kissing your lips for no reason at all. i still miss you and i still love you.
Do you even have the slightest idea of what I feel towards you, of how much i care about you...
do you know I ........
What? she asked
no I'm not going to say that
Say it. "tujhe meri kasam" she said
You know I don't believe in swearing
oh i've heard that quite a few times now, she said.  Are you going to tell me?
okay....
(quite a long pause)
I don't know why i do this but i care about you so much that i ask quite a few times to god about something. I make wishes for you. i don't wish you, i wish for you....... now i'm not gonna tell what i wish because i do want them to come true and you have my word don't even try to ask me about what i have always wished for you, TUJHE meri kasam.

I thought you didn't believe in swearing. she said with a little (very little) smile on her face.

Yes I don't but i know you do... you know, i've always felt connected to you. i always  dream about you now and then. it was yesterday that i dreamed that you and me are stuck on an island. i know that sounds crazy but its true. I can't stop myself thinking about you and i think i know the reason for this. its because until my death, every day that passes by, every minute that i spend, every moment i spend, i can't stop myself loving you more than i did in the previous moment and you don't know how much i love and how much i care but every minute.... my love increases and its more than i've ever loved you... AND this will continue, this will continue till i die or until my mind explodes having only your thoughts in it and i go mad to love you much more than you can even imagine. But at that time even if you're with me, i won't be able to believe it, it would just feel like a dream to me that you are in front of me, that i can touch you that i can talk to you for real but it would be of no use because i won't be talking to the real you but the dreamy you that made me fall insanely in love with you.

I paused. I didn't realize how much time it has been since I started thinking about her. It was almost lunch time and my parents were calling me. I discovered she was no longer in my room asking "why do you love me". It was all in my head.

A Sad Story That will make you cry!

Boy: Hi baby!! How are u? I'm so happy today!!

Girl: Wait, I'll text u later, I'm still busy with my thesis.

Boy: Can u do it later? Let's talk first.. I miss u so much baby.

Girl: I have to finish this on time, u knw that.

Boy: Please baby, just this once? u can finish that tomorrow.

Girl: What???? Can't u understand this is my project!? Can't u give me time for myself?? COULD U PLEASE? I ALSO HAVE MY OWN LIFE..LET ME LIVE FOR MYSELF FOR ONCE! STOP TEXTING ME!

Boy: Sorry baby. I love u very very much. I'll just text u later.

Boy: Hi baby, I can't stay long not texting you. I really wanted to talk to u.. I want us to be happy again.

Boy: Hi baby, still u are not responding to my texts. How's your thesis?

Boy: Baby... Please respond, I'm worried already..

Boy: Baby it's already 10 PM.. It's been 2 hours but u are still not replying to my text. I miss u already...i love u so much!

Boy: Uhm baby.. I love u so much.. I'm just here for u always.. The time is near that we'll always be together..

Girl: Didn't I tell u I'll text u after I'm done with my thesis?! Can't u understand that?!?! Why is it so hard for u to get that I'm BUSY?? It's like there's no tomorrow..u are overreacting..WILL U JUST SLEEP??

Boy: Sorry baby.. Ok. Goodnight baby..I love u..Take care of yourself always..I'll always here to guide u..I'm just here..I'll never leave u.

......the NEXT DAY........
Girl: Baby, wake up..Sorry about what I've said last night..i was just really busy..eat your breakfast baby, I'll be going to school now..

Girl: Wake up baby, u still have classes to attend..text me when you're awake..

Girl: Hey, why until now u're not texting? It's already our lunch break..why didn't u attend your classes? Don't u have phone credits? Please text me..

Boy: He left us already..my son left me already..Your boyfriend left u..he already left those who are dear to him..Did he tells u he's sick?

This was the 3rd year his doctor gave him...we thought it wasn't true..Because no one can predict how long a person can live in this world..but to our surprised, his heart didn't make it too..

We tried to wake him up this morning but he never responded... There was a message for u in his phone but he wasn't able to send it..

"Take care of yourself always, I'm happy where I am going..please, don't cry..I'm sorry I didn't tell u about my condition..i don't want to bother u bcoz I know how busy u are with your thesis..i don't wanna add up to ur worries..I'm not sure if I'm lucky enough to still have a chance to wake up tomorrow but I'm always praying that He'll give me a chance to see u and be with u everyday of my life..I love u so much...i regret that we didn't have a chance to talk longer today.. but I understand u..u might fail on your thesis if u won't be able to finish it..I'm really really sorry...and I love u very very much.. Please, promise me you'll be strong..I'm by your side now..I'll always be here..?"

Sadness explained

And the other day I thought about why being so sad. I experienced that when you want to feel sad  no-one can f**king stop you from being sad. And also that when you are sad everyone and everything else in this world seems to be happy. And that makes you feel more sad but sort of make you think.... Why are you being so sad when no-one else cares and then you say it's not because I wanna show people that I am sad, I am just sad but deep inside you know the lie. Then you start to think about happiness which other people are experiencing and you want to but at the same time you won't let yourself to experience it.
Well you know everything that when you be sad there are thousands of reasons and you know the reason to be happy but you still won't let yourself be. This mind trap let's you involve much more in yourself and might help you to know yourself much better or might destroy you. You choose. So while being sad for a person or a situation think that the situation has gone and so should my sadness and I shouldn't be in this mood because there are plenty of other things which would make me happy.
The best way of being happy and changing your or someone's mood while being sad is to give them lots of reasons to be happy so that they can fight their sadness with an army of reasons to be happy and mind that the army of sadness has too many soldiers. So give yourself or the other person being sad much strategic and strong reasons which would help him fight himself. Another thing is music. If the person listens to songs ( lyrical music) then he would yet be more sad because it might somehow make him remember the reason he was sad. While listening to simple music (without any lyrics just sound (not loud but soothing)) helps a lot.
Observe the person who is sad. He doesn't always look sad. But some symptoms symbolize that he is which might be holding pillow while sleeping -this in cases of people who never used to hold pillows earlier is a strong symptom that they are loosing a battle within. And feels lonely.
Observe the person who is sad even yourself if you are sad and want to be happy and accordingly find the solution. This will help a lot. 

Zinda hu mai

Zinda hu mai
Taki tu aisa na kahe
Ki koi hai nhi mujhe yaad krne wala
Har pal har waqt ye dhadkane bas tujhko pukarti hai
Kehti h wo sada khush rahe
Kisi pal aasu n aa pahe unki aakhon me
Bhale hi mai dikhata nhi pr kadr bht krta hu
Umeedein kuch nhi hai aap se
Bas itna ki kabhi samne aau toh dutkarna mat bhale hi galatiyan ki hai humne
Ha
Zinda hu mai
Taki tu ye keh sake
Koi hai pagal jo mere khatir hai jee rha

-ASH